Img 0067

I’ve been holding out for a ‘growth spurt’ since… 
Well since always. 

But I think it’s safe to say that these babies have reached their maximum potential, barring some major hormonal event. 

Pregnancy may do the trick, but I’m in no rush.
Yet, somehow I still feel the constant pressure to have bigger breasts to look ‘correct.’
I hate that I buy into it and those fucking pushup bras, which may or may not be giving me heartburn (more on that theory later.)

As though there’s some supplement I could take or some miracle workout I could do to make my mammary glands more impressive (trust me, there isn’t.)

Literally the only option is breast augmentation surgery, which comes with own set of stigmas:

“Her tits aren’t even real!”

Because they don’t ‘count’ unless you grow them yourself?

“Ugh, she’s so fake, you can totally tell she had a boob job.”

Like, I’m sorry, she went under the knife to fix this ‘problem’ and now you want to villify her for that too?

You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

What’s more, even busty women are ripped to shreds when they flaunt their natural or synthetic assets.

Some women may spot a large-breasted lady with a low-cut shirt or even a figure-hugging dress and right away that little insecurity demon goes:

“Ugh, attention-seeking, so pathetic.”

Or sometimes just:

“Wow, look at this whore with the circus tits.”

Trust me – I’m a woman, I know how we think.

Meanwhile, most men regress to thinking like neanderthals in the presence of a woman with big breasts, and it’s not as flattering as you’d like to think.

In fact, I think showing off a lot of cleavage tends to attract the wrong kind of guy.

At least when guys talk to me, I know they’re not staring down my shirt because there’s hardly anything to see…

To silver linings! 

The takeaway here is, you really can’t win when it comes to boobs.

While I may one day opt for a breast enhancement of some kind, it won’t be because society tells me I need to (fuck ’em, that’s what I always say.)

However, it may be because there are a couple tops in my closet that I desperately wish I could fill out a little better.

Call me vain, but we all have our motivations in life.


In the meantime, here’s 7 major perks that only flat-chested women enjoy:

1. I have never ‘needed’ the support that a bra was designed to provide – But people freak out when a woman’s nipples protrude from under her shirt, so I wear them to keep the peace.

2. No boob sweat – That’s a thing right? I wouldn’t know.

3. No sagging – This is huge, as gravity does it’s work on us all. Not my boobs though, they’ll always be perky.

4. Freedom to dress… questionably – While I’m missing out on some of the stylish silhouettes that require the balance of a busty frame, I recently learned I ‘get away’ with cute little crop tops and low-cut necklines because I have less going on. (Read: my flat chest is non-threatening to men and women, so I get to show it off more.)

5. Good body fat distribution – It stands to reason that if you’re small-chested, your body is storing fat elsewhere (like your butt and thighs.) Granted, you can be fat and still be flat-chested. However, your biological potential is probably disposed to building a strong, toned upper body (something busty women often struggle with.)

6. No extra back problems – Obviously, having small boobs won’t prevent a back injury. But with the majority of breast augmentation procedures these day actually aimed at size reduction to treat back pain, you gotta admit it’s good to have a light stack.

7. Automatic douchebag filter – I touched on this earlier, but let’s dissect it further. Large breasts and the cleavage they create are a status symbol, like a Rolex or a Lexus. Misogynists approach dating as a competition where, at the end, they’re hoping to possess a woman’s body via sex and marriage. So it stands to reason that the shallow misogynists of the world will always approach a busty woman first, leaving us flat-chested girls free to finish our drink and chat with the actual human men.

So smile:

Your small boobs are perfectly A-OK, and the only guys out there worth a damn will love your body the way it is.

Besides, it’s only a matter of time before small tits come back in style anyway. 🙃

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. I think the self-validation of this post is important. But it’s kinda shockingly ignorant of how men actually work. First of all, if you’re attractive at all, and I mean at all, it’s game on. So, no, small boobs are not a D-bag filter. Secondly, you have an A (or pear) shape apparently, plenty of us prefer that biologically. No boobs, or balanced silhouette required.

    Also, there IS a win here when it comes to boobs: love yourself and your body the way it is. And, not for a reason that’s related to men (we’re not that important). Other people’s insecurities about their own bodies and a greater societal pressure to be a certain way shouldn’t be on the pro/con scale as they’re both usually worthless.

    Lastly, please, if you do get augmented boobs (please don’t), don’t kid yourself into thinking it’s to fill out your clothes. It might not be for men, but it’s still to fit clothes based on some bullshit ideal of how they’re “supposed” to look. You strike me as the kind of person who writes her own rules. So, how does Caitlyn say clothes should look?

    1. Thank you for your very thoughtful comment, and excuse the underlying tone of sass here, but you are overstepping your boundaries just a tiny bit.

      A – The generalizations made here about men are just that: generalizations.

      There’s no need to go off on a ‘nice guy’ crusade if this doesn’t apply to you.

      If you read carefully, you’ll see that I took great care in not attributing any of these claims to ALL men (or ALL women.)

      The statements are a reference to those to whom they apply, and to those which are most prevalently depicted in the media, advertising, and entertainment.

      B – It’s great that you’re cognizant that men’s opinions of women are not that important.

      But because women are conditioned by the media, by other women, and perhaps most significantly, even by their own mothers to pander to the male gaze essentially from birth, we do care very much.

      Only time and conscious, individual work on oneself can undo the years of behavioral conditioning that relate self-worth to how it’s seen through the eyes of a man.

      Keep in mind that today we are only one or two generations away from a world in which women could not hold jobs and were expected to fulfill their usefulness by marrying and bearing children by the time they were 21.

      In many other parts of the world, women are still living this way.

      With that being said, only a small part of this post even refers to men’s perceptions… so it makes me wonder:

      Are you hyperfocusing on that because you feel so strongly about it?

      Or perhaps, is it the easiest point for you to relate to?

      In any case, as a man, it is neither your place nor your responsibility to tell a woman how to feel about anything, even if it is well-intentioned as this seems to be.

      C – Here’s what I think:

      Clothes should look like they fit.

      But because of the way women’s clothing is mass produced and marketed, anyone with less than a B cup has a hard time filling out form-fitting tops (since they’re initially designed for the ‘ideal’ female figure and then arbitrarily enlarged a few inches around to accomodate mediums, larges, xl, etc.)

      I’m not talking sweaters and t-shirts here, I’m talking crisp fitted blouses and those pieces that can give you a clean, professional look.

      I do a lot of online shopping and frequently order size small and find that it fits my arms and shoulders great, except in the boob area it hangs down showing way too much chest or giving a loose, frumpy look.

      Just yesterday, I was shopping for bras in person in a boutique, and was told directly that the bra style I was interested in was just not made in A cups.

      So while it may be taken as hyperbole, I’m not really ‘kidding’ myself when I say that a breast enhancement may well be just as viable an option compared with the alternative of custom tailoring every piece of clothing I buy for the rest of my life.

      While none of this may sound like a serious problem to you as a man, it creates in women anxiety around something that should be simple and fun (clothes shopping) and sends messages to women akin to:

      – She doesn’t know her own size
      – Her size has changed
      – Her body shape is wrong
      – She doesn’t ‘have the right body’ to wear certain things
      – She’s not welcome in this store

      So again, thank you for reading and for your well-intentioned thoughts on the matter, but this is not something any man can relate to nor can he advise upon.

      – Caitlyn

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Search