I’ve been holding out for a ‘growth spurt’ since…
Well, since always.
But I think it’s safe to say that these babies have reached their maximum potential, barring some major hormonal event.
Pregnancy may do the trick, but I’m in no rush.
Yet, somehow I still feel the constant pressure to have bigger breasts to look ‘correct.’
I hate that I buy into it and those fucking pushup bras, which may or may not be giving me heartburn (more on that theory later.)
As though there’s some supplement I could take or some miracle workout I could do to make my mammary glands more impressive (trust me, there isn’t.)
Literally the only option is breast augmentation surgery, which comes with own set of stigmas:
“Her tits aren’t even real!”
Because they don’t ‘count’ unless you grow them yourself?
“Ugh, she’s so fake, you can totally tell she had a boob job.”
Like, I’m sorry, she went under the knife to fix this ‘problem’ and now you want to villify her for that too?
You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
What’s more, even busty women are ripped to shreds when they flaunt their natural or synthetic assets.
Some women may spot a large-breasted lady with a low-cut shirt or even a figure-hugging dress and right away that little insecurity demon goes:
“Ugh, attention-seeking, so pathetic.”
Or sometimes just:
“Wow, look at this whore with the circus tits.”
Trust me – I’m a woman, I know how we think.
Meanwhile, most men regress to thinking like neanderthals in the presence of a woman with big breasts, and it’s not as flattering as you’d like to think.
In fact, I think showing off a lot of cleavage tends to attract the wrong kind of guy.
At least when guys talk to me, I know they’re not staring down my shirt because there’s hardly anything to see…
To silver linings!
The takeaway here is, you really can’t win when it comes to boobs.
While I may one day opt for a breast enhancement of some kind, it won’t be because society tells me I need to (fuck ’em, that’s what I always say.)
However, it may be because there are a couple tops in my closet that I desperately wish I could fill out a little better.
Call me vain, but we all have our motivations in life.
In the meantime, here’s a reminder of some of the major ‘perks’ that only flat-chested women enjoy:
The Many Benefits of Tiny Tits
Support bras are optional.
But people freak out when a woman’s nipples protrude from under her shirt, so I wear them in order to keep the peace.
No boob sweat.
I’ve heard that’s a whole thing right?
I really wouldn’t know.
Small boobs don’t sag.
This is huge, as gravity does it’s work on us all. Not my boobs though, they’ll always be perky.
Freedom to dress… questionably.
While I’m missing out on some of the stylish silhouettes that require the balance of a busty frame, I recently learned I ‘get away’ with cute little crop tops and low-cut necklines because I have less going on. (Read: my flat chest is non-threatening to men and women, so I get to show it off more.)
Good body fat distribution.
It stands to reason that if you’re small-chested, your body is storing fat elsewhere (like me with my butt and thighs.)
Granted, you can be fat and still be flat-chested.
However, your biological potential is probably disposed to building a strong, toned upper body (something busty women often struggle with.)
No extra back problems.
Obviously, having small boobs won’t prevent a back injury.
But with the majority of breast augmentation procedures these day actually aimed at size reduction to treat back pain, you gotta admit it’s good to have a light stack.
Automatic douchebag filter.
I touched on this earlier, but let’s dissect it further.
Large breasts and the cleavage they create are a status symbol, like a Rolex or a Lexus.
Misogynists approach dating as a competition where, at the end, they’re hoping to possess a woman’s body via sex and marriage.
So it stands to reason that the shallow misogynists of the world will always approach a busty woman first, leaving us flat-chested girls free to finish our drink and chat with the actual human men.
Your small boobs are perfectly A-OK, and the only guys out there worth a damn will love your body the way it is.
Besides, it’s only a matter of time before small boobs come back in style anyway. 🙃