Well, I don’t know why you’re like this, but maybe I can help in some small way.
Today I have something a little different for you –
My very first personal advice post!
Let’s get preachy with it.
I finally decided to put this together after watching myself and my friends make the same dumb fucking mistakes over and over, trapped in negative patterns that prevent us from reaching our full potential.
Doing nothing doesn’t really suit me, so I thought I’d make organize my thoughts into a neat little advice listicle and let it find you when you’re ready.
I also hope it will serve as a reminder for myself when life inevitably beats me down…
Like a little pep talk from me, to me.
Thanks past Caitlyn!
You’re welcome future Caitlyn – Love ya!
And just so we’re clear:
I don’t claim to have it all figured out, I backpedal literally ALL the time, and I’m a strong supporter of getting some fucking professional help if you need it.
But here we are, so I might as well speak my mind and see if I can inspire you, or at least make you smile.
The mind is powerful enough to rationalize almost anything.
Why not focus that energy on rationalizing beautiful thought patterns?
So here it is, no matter who you are or where you are in life, there are no costs and no radical lifestyle changes required to start getting better, just stop these 10 dumb habits for fuck’s sake:
Highlighting Your Flaws
Highlighter is for cheekbones or active reading, not for wounds and weaknesses.
It’s sad to say, but in the game of life, honesty is overrated and undervalued.
Whether it be on dates, job interviews, or friendly conversation, I’ve caught myself pointing out my flaws to people in what I thought was an effort to be seen as honest and open.
But you can’t force intimacy – Trust is earned, not given, and it is only within the context of loving relationships, friendships, and family life that this kind of honesty is going to be rewarded.
So go ahead and put your best foot forward, fake it ‘til you make it, and fucking project your ideal self RIGHT NOW!
Over-Apologizing
Ladies, we do this all the time…
Stop fucking apologizing.
When you almost bump into someone walking down the street, your reflex is “Sorry!” when in fact, a quick “Excuse me!” would likely be more appropriate.
We apologize for chiming in during meetings, for articulating the way we feel, for crying, and for everything else it seems…
But it is insecurity manifesting in the way we speak, and this demonstration of weakness is communicating to people that we have low self-worth!
To clarify, I am not endorsing rudeness, but it is possible to have manners and not be apologetic about your existence.
Because, you know, humans have needs, humans take up space, and you are fucking human (probably?)
If you don’t believe me, try for a week to keep tabs on how many times you say “I’m sorry!” in daily life, and see if that number doesn’t look excessive to you.
Hinting At What You Want
This happens often in relationships, especially in modern dating scenarios where appearing too eager is perceived as a bad thing.
On the other hand, it’s still up to you to clearly and firmly communicate what you want –
Just try not to be too fucking intense about it, K’ crazy?
Men don’t pick up on subtleties in communication nearly as well as we’d like to believe, so there’s a chance the guy you’re casually seeing has no idea that you want anything more (nor does he have any motivation to give it to you if you continue to make yourself available for him!)
The same is true in our careers, where many of us keep our heads down and expect that we’ll get the raise or the promotion we covet if we just quietly put in the work.
Listen, after a year or two at your current job, it’s perfectly fucking appropriate to request an evaluation with your supervisor and use that opportunity to re-negotiate your role within your company.
Taking initiative in this way demonstrates leadership, and even if you don’t get exactly what you want, you’re still gonna make a strong positive impression and set something in motion.
Maintaining Toxic Relationships
It can be really difficult to identify toxic relationships and even harder to sever them because of our fear of being alone.
But I’ll let you in on a secret:
It’s easier to be alone than to struggle against the influence of someone who withholds affection, puts you down, dismisses your feelings, or won’t commit to loving you.
What does it say about you when you allow someone in your life to disrespect you, mistreat you, and stifle you?
It says this is all you deserve, and you’ll take what you can get.
It’s fucking sad because the presence of toxic people in your life can actually block you from ever meeting the friends, lovers, or family that you truly deserve.
You also miss out on a lot of personal growth by never taking the time to sit comfortably with your loneliness.
Trying To Be “The Cool Girl”
So, let’s see, you really like this guy you’ve been seeing, and you don’t want to spook him like the delicate fawn he is, so you’re playing it cool, right?
Ah yes, a tale as old as time…
Except not really, this shitty game only got started in the last 20 years or so, where it seems women have lost all self-respect and, forgive me, but the value of pussy has completely bottomed out.
There are 7 BILLION people in the world, the planet is at critical mass, and you still think the mediocre dude you’re sleeping with is the best you can do?
I don’t even know you, you could be a total mess, but the odds are in your favor, dudette.
This is, of course, assuming you’ve been honest with yourself (which we’ll discuss in a moment) and you’ve found you want to date with some kind of long-term intention.
But hey, maybe a casual hook-up is just the kind of thing you like!
Maybe you like being treated as a physical and emotional placeholder while you both wait for someone better to come along, and hell, maybe you’re juggling a few options of your own…
But if not, for god’s sake, fucking pull yourself together, drop the dead weight and rock out solo.
The only guy worth getting invested in is the guy that’s emotionally capable of dating you back.
Numbing Your Feelings & Ignoring Intuition
Avoiding and refusing to name uncomfortable feelings (like sadness, anger, & fear) makes it difficult to understand what you’re feeling when the time comes to make decisions about what you truly want out of life –
As women living in a world dominated by masculine energy, many of us have adapted to emphasize masculine behaviors to succeed in school and the workplace.
Unfortunately, we have done so at the expense of our equally powerful and more natural inclination to feminine energy.
The ability to feel through life intuitively understanding oneself and others, is extremely valuable in interpersonal relationships, sure, but it’s paramount to a successful business too!
Men are being harmed by this energy imbalance too, and are so shunned for expressions of emotion that many of them have all but disconnected from their feelings –
Leaving us with the indecisive, commitment-phobic, and deeply unsatisfied modern men we often encounter today.
Well, fuck, if I don’t make some excellent points!
The good news is, regardless of your gender, you can get back in touch with your feelings at any time –
All it takes is a little self-care.
So stop numbing out with pot, alcohol, food, and sex, and start sitting with your fucking feelings because YOU’RE AN ADULT & YOU GOT THIS!
Your emotions don’t have to overwhelm you if you just let them wash over you.
When you’re in touch with your true feelings you’ll be able to have constructive thoughts like:
“Oh, I feel regret, I should do something about that.” or “I’m angry, I need to stand up for myself next time.”
And if you continue to struggle, you really must be honest with yourself and find a therapist to help guide you out of your personal hell – you deserve happiness after all!
Self-Inflicted Guilt & Not Accepting Compliments
This one is one of the worst behaviors because it’s just so self-loathing – Ew!
Ever felt like you didn’t deserve the job you had, the awards you received, or admiration from the people who looked up to you?
This is called ‘imposter syndrome’ and it is characterized by an inability for a person to internalize their accomplishments, so they live in fear that they’ll be discovered as a fraud.
After all your hard work, you still don’t get to enjoy the fruits of you labor, because your own mind won’t let you! Bleak, right?
But if you feel guilt when something good happens to you or you brush off compliments from friends and lovers, it’s not your fault.
You might be coping with feelings of unworthiness inflicted by an abusive past, emotional trauma, or behaviors you learned from caregivers that suffered from low self-worth.
My Mom had this saying when something good would happen to me, she’d say:
“Wow Caitlyn, you sure know how to step in shit and come out smelling like a rose.”
I think she made it up because I’ve never heard it used anywhere else.
For a long time, I think it contributed to me feeling like I sometimes get lucky, but I don’t REALLY know what I’m doing, and thus I don’t really deserve any praise or recognition.
Comparing Yourself To Others
This one’s so easy, even a caveman could do it!
You probably already know it’s bad to compare yourself to others, but you still do it anyway!
Just like you know you shouldn’t stop by Starbucks on the way to work every morning, but you still do that –
Cut that out too, you could save literally thousands of dollars.
Comparing yourself physically to other people is a waste of time since there’s very little you can do to change your looks, and why would you?
Your unique look is what makes you irreplaceable.
Comparing yourself to your peers who are graduating, getting married, or having babies is silly too, because life is a journey and no two journeys look the same.
When you catch yourself making comparisons to someone else, remember bad habit #6 and explore the feelings behind your urge to compare instead.
Maybe you’re ready to move forward with your life, and seeing someone else moving forward is inspiring you to do the same – isn’t that a nicer way to look at it?
Shaming Yourself & Negative Self-Talk
If you’ve got this far, you’ve heard me talk about all the ways your interactions with other people are fucked up and unhealthy – you’re a trooper!
But sometimes, the worst critic of you is YOU.
Give yourself a break and stop beating yourself up about the past –
This is your sign, right now, that it’s time to move the fuck on.
Speaking negatively about yourself is an insidious little behavior because it can be innocent in a certain context, like a couple old pals teasing one another.
However, our minds our powerful, and repetitive self-criticism can turn into an internalized truth over truth.
Suddenly, like magic, statements like “I’m such a lazy fuck!” become a self-fulfilling prophecy and you’ve lost your motivation.
Don’t let your bitchy inner voice turn you into a do-nothing bitch.
Romanticizing Sadness & Drama Addiction
When life gets you down, there is catharsis in falling to your knees and just letting it all out.
There is a certain amount of this behavior which is healthy and normal, but it’s not OK to get comfortable down there.
People who wallow in their pain and sadness develop a victim mentality fostering an addiction to drama where suddenly you’re putting yourself in situations where you can be easily taken advantage of just so when it happens, you can say “See? The world is bad and I am just a victim. Pity me!
Some of the greatest artists of the world suffered with depression, but they were able to channel their profound sadness into masterpieces that have gone down in history.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of romanticizing sadness because it makes you feel interesting, plus it allows you to sidestep the hard work of getting back up and pursuing what you really want.
But who wants to live like that? I know I sure don’t.
So there you have it, 10 dumb, shitty things you keep doing to sabotage your own happiness.
I know, ‘cause I’ve been there too.
Maybe it’s time to try a different approach, and stop waiting for life to happen to you.
